Feeling Inferior

Over the past several months I've noticed a continuing trend when dealing with hard of hearing individuals ... feeling inferior. It seems as though when these people feel like they may be missing out on something or being left out they are particularly sensitive and go to great lengths to establish a sort of dominance in an attempt to level the playing field.

I can speak from my own experience that there is nothing worse than the feeling of exclusion because you cannot hear or follow a conversation that is happening around you. Often times you feel like you are left with two options: fall into reclusion and keep to yourself or force yourself into a conversation. Often overlooked is the option of just asking for help. More often than not others are more than happy to repeat themselves in an attempt to help you jump into the conversation.

There is no need to turn your frustrations into a negative. Feeling excluded happens to everyone for a variety of different reasons and the important thing is to try and make the most of the situation and keep your sense of humour.

Whatcha Think?

As I've taken over as the interim Communications Coordinator at CHHA-Hamilton, I've been handed the task of revamping the website. What you will see now is the same content with a more modern look and easier navigation.

I encourage you all to please have a look and let me know your thoughts and suggestions on how we can improve our site.

Click below:

CHHA-Hamilton

Thanks

True Measure of Character

"Blindness cuts us off from things, but deafness cuts us off from people" - Helen Keller

I read this quote by Helen Keller the other day and it made me step back for a moment and think about this applies to my life. In too many circumstances I have avoided social situations because I was scared or intimated. I was afraid to miss conversation and in turn become excluded. The reality is this happens on a regular basis and I can choose to do one of two things: keep backing away and avoiding the situation or just hang in there.

It's tough when your first reaction is to step away from uncomfortable situations in all facets of our lives. But the true measure of your character is how you choose to face adversity.

My Reality

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to not have to worry or plan ahead. I was thinking about this today as I ventured out on my run and I planned out step by step what I was going to have to do to protect my hearing aids. I wear an old pair when I play sports or run because the new behind the ear hearing aids are a little more susceptible to moisture. As a result of that I consciously run so people will have to pass me on the left hand side in case they want to talk to me since my left ear is my better hearing ear. On top of that, this morning was cloudy with the potential for rain, so I had to bring a case to put my hearing aid in if the skies did open up. Admittedly, I was a little envious of those who can just show up and not have to take all of these extra steps into consideration.

This is my reality. My life involves a little extra planning and that's okay with me. Yes, it's irritating sometimes, but it is a small sacrifice to make to be able to hear well. I can still do all of the things I want to do, I just have to go about it a bit differently.

Some Great Technology News

Nothing is more frustrating than not being able to use some of the latest technological devices because they are not compatible with your hearing aids. According to this article, that is all going to change very soon.

It's important that all hearing impaired and deaf individuals receive the same opportunities as everyone else. Any assistance we can receive to help us communicate better in a hearing world helps to level the playing field and can be instrumental in helping make life just a little bit easier.

Giving Back

I have not blogged in far too long so I'm going to play a little catch up. I am happy to say that the golf tournament was a huge success and we were able to raise enough money for CHHA - Hamilton to purchase some much needed AV equipment and to help offset the cost of hiring someone to provide captioning at our meetings. It was definitely a bit stressful to put the tournament together but I was glad to see a positive ROI.

I'm also happy to say that I've been asked to temporarily join the CHHA - Hamilton board of directors for the remainder of 2010. On the downside, it's unfortunate that I am filling in for someone who has had to take a leave due to some surgery; however, on the plus side I'm very excited to be a more active participant in this group. I already see numerous ways that I can help immediately. As well, they have made it clear that it is their intention to nominate me for the board in 2011 so I am taking this as a learning curve for what to expect going into next year. The more I get involved with CHHA - Hamilton the more I see it's potential. There are a number of passionate people in this group who really want to make a difference and that inspires me so much!

That Felt Very Rewarding

Yesterday was our 2nd Annual CHHA - Hamilton/Rotary Club Golf Tourney. The weather was great, the turnout was good and we were able to raise some money for our CHHA Chapter.

I think the highlight of the day for me was golfing with my Mom. Yes, we golf together numerous times over the course of the year but, playing together and raising money for an organization that works to help both of us made it special for me.

Being involved with this organization has been increasingly more rewarding as I become more involved. They have been so welcoming and genuinely excited to have me there. I hope that I can continue to help them as best I can. I already see how I can make a difference with this group and I'm looking forward to seeing it reach it's potential.

Quit your whining

It's funny how sometimes all you want is for people to feel sorry for you because you feel sorry for yourself. Perhaps I've used this blog to whine a little too much. I really do use it to vent a lot and share what I'm going through but I really only share the negative side of things.

So, that being said, here is some good news! It appears that the audiologist and I have come to an agreement that will allow me to keep my hearing aids and still be eligible for my government assistance. Huge bonus! Thanks to everyone for giving me that little kick in the butt I needed to be proactive about it. I have a quick meeting with them tomorrow to iron out the details but I'm very optimistic.

Making it work for me

I have managed to hook up my bluetooth hearing aid feature to my work cell phone. This has already helped dramatically when using the phone at work because I can call forward my office line to my cell phone. Previously, I was losing conversation as my phone feature cut in and out while someone was talking to me. Now, I can feed it right into my ears; so far it has worked out great.

I am also slowly preparing myself to return my hearing aids until July when I repurchase them so I can get the government grant. I really need to stop putting off the appointment with Listen Up Canada and get in there and sort out everything. I still really believe they can do more for me than they have but unless I push them to do more why would they? I think it's sad for a company like that to not try to go the extra step for their clients. I really feel that there is a true disconnect between the people who work as audiologist and the people who need their services. However, how can I expect them to relate if they are not hard of hearing as well ... can't they atleast be empathetic?

Someone Making a Difference

Here is an article about someone with hearing loss who is really making a difference. What an inspiration to us all.

Between A Rock and a Hard Place

It looks like I'm going to have to return my hearing aids. Talk about 1 step forward and two steps back. In order for me to be eligable for my government grant the hearing aids have to be purchased in July of this year ... arrrgg!

Everyone is telling me I need to kick up more of a fuss with the Audiologist office. Yes, they are probably right but besides giving me a loner hearing aid to pass the time between May and June I don't really know what they would be able to do for me. Regardless, I should really push them more on the situation because it is because of their oversight that I am in this situation in the first place. I provided them with all of the information that I had about my current pair at the time and they should be familiar with the government grant process.

Frustrated

I received a phone call the other day from my Audiologist explaining to me that the funding that I am eligible for from the Government for my new hearing aids is not actually available to me until July of 2010. This leaves me with two possible solutions: to pay the amount that I was expecting to receive without the ability to receive that funding in return in July, or to return my hearing aids and purchase them back when the funding is available. Needless to say I'm incredibly annoyed by this. I really feel that this is something that the audiologist should have been aware of back in January when I bought the new hearing aids.

It looks like my best solution economically is to return the hearing aids and buy them back so I get the financial assistance from the government. The audiologist said they can let me keep the new pair until May 21, which leaves me with my old pair for 2 months until I get them back. I'm really hoping I can work out some kind of deal where they can let me keep them with some kind of commitment to them.

I am trying to take this set-back in stride and not let it stress me out. I'm sure that we can reach some kind of agreement because I really don't want to go back to my old pair. I bought the new hearing aids because the old one's were not working properly and were getting old and it seems ridiculous to have to go back.

Looking to Make a Difference

Last week I went to my first Canadian Hard of Hearing Association (CHHA) meeting. It was definitely interesting to walk into a room where the average age looked to be atleast 65. I think even they were thrown off by someone my age looking to become a member of their association. Despite the obvious age difference we do share a lot of similar struggles and I really can learn a lot from their experiences and advice. Unfortunately, it did reveal that there is a lack of trained emotional support mechanisms in place for people who have experienced hearing loss. What they do have is a group of individuals from all walks of life with a common problem that come together to share their experiences and support eachother, which is better nothing at all.

CHHA has also been more than happy to have me involved in their group, expressing the need for some "young blood". I have signed on to join their golf tournament committee and it is my goal to really help them promote the association and reach out to a younger demographic. It became obvious to me very quickly that they had no idea how to promote themselves and let people know they exist.

Overall, it was a great experience and I really believe that I can make a difference to this group and in the lives of many people.

My Grandpa has the same hearing aids as you!

I think it's funny when people make small talk with me about someone they know who has hearing aids. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it and encourage it but, it always turns out to be their grandparents or someone above the age of 75! I have to smirk every time I hear "oh yeah, my Grandma has the same problem with her hearing aids" because it always leaves me feeling like I should be an old man. Do people automatically associate hearing aids and hearing loss to being old? Well, according to this survey, they do. It is no wonder that younger people have trouble accepting hearing loss when it's tied to the perception of getting old.

I wish there was more of an effort to create some advertising and public awareness programs that are aimed at people who are not senior citizens. It's important to make people feel more comfortable about their hearing aids, not more self-conscious.

Slept like a baby

Had a great weekend at a ball hockey tournament a week ago. Other than the sore foot and the minor Sunday hangover it was great to get together with the guys again.

The weekend also served as a reminder of one great benefit of being hearing impaired ... you can sleep through anything. I shared a room with someone who snores and while he kept everyone awake throughout the night I slept like a baby.

Now, sleeping through everything hasn't always been kind to others. Before I found the alarm clock with the vibrating attachment that goes under your pillow, I was one of the worst roomates ... just ask Chad. While my alarm clock went off at full volume I continued to sleep right through it. The only thing that would wake me was when Chad threw a shoe at the wall or yelled "Damn it Diehl, turn off your alarm" (I'm sure I'm leaving out some choice words in that sentence).

Finally!

After battling with the work phone for the past few weeks I finally referred to my audiologist about how I can get my phone program to stop cutting in and out during conversation. It turns out that the key to making it work properly is magnetism. After a bit of trial and error it appears I've finally found the proper number and locations for the magnets. I've been able to test it out this morning and everything is working much better. It really was affecting my ability to work efficiently because not all phone conversations at the office are appropriate for the speaker phone. The only annoying part is that I have to wait a second or two when I first put the phone up to my ear so the program has a chance to switch over. It hasn't led to any awkward moments of silence ... yet.

It is just a small victory but it's already helping a lot.

I have to admit, I'm a little worried about the magnets being that close to my head. Even though they are very small magnets I wonder if there are some potential health issues I should be aware of. I will have to do some research and see if I'm able to find anything that is concerning.

I continue to receive positive feedback on my blog, thanks again to everyone who is reading this. I hope you are all able to get something out of it.

Good Vibrations

For the first time since I have owned hearing aids, I'm happy. Besides the fact that things sound a lot better I am even more thrilled with the features they offer that are allowing me to live life a little bit easier.

I still can't express how much I love the bluetooth phone feature. I used to avoid talking on the phone at all costs. It was always a struggle to get the volume to a point where I could hear properly and I was always missing parts of the conversation. Now, the phone sounds fantastic and I am actually looking forward to people calling me. The only small downside is having to wear the streamer around my neck to get the best reception. However, the streamer is the size of an ipod and really isn't that much of an inconvenience. It is definitely a small sacrifice to make in order to get benefits I have received.

I have finally tested out the ipod feature too and the sound is good. It has two features for sound that I can use. The first allows me to hear background noise around me while it plays music much like having your headphones in and the other blocks out all sound except for what is coming through the ipod. I am going to try this out at the gym this afternoon and see how it goes. It feels like it's going to be a bit bulky to be comfortable to wear while working out but we'll test it out and see. It does have a wireless adapter that can be purchased that will make listening to the ipod a bit easier.

I Think I Found What I Was Looking For

After spending the past few months trying to find something to get involved with at The Canadian Hearing Society, I've given up. I was looking for volunteer opportunities within the organization in an effort to continue to do what I am doing through this blog and reach out to people who are struggling with hearing loss. Added to this frustration are stories from those connected to the deaf and hard of hearing community that keep telling me that the deaf community is not very welcoming to the hard of hearing who choose to use hearing aids. I do see their point and I respect where they are coming from but for someone who grew up as a hearing individual for a number of years and is still very active in the hearing community it's hard to give up my ability to hear when there are options available to me that will help level the playing field. I wonder if the blind community shares a similar opinion of people who choose to wear glasses or undergo laser eye surgery or is it somehow different?

Eventually, after searching through a number of hearing related websites I stumbled upon the Canadian Hard of Hearing Association. Finally, this is a group that I felt instantly connected to. I've just started reading through the site but I find it very exciting that there is a group that exists locally that I can completely relate to. They only meet every few months but I think it's fantastic to know that this group exists and I'm excited to get involved!

I'm also very excited to have finally received the streamer for my hearing aids. This will allow me to have a bluetooth connection directly from my cell phone to my hearing aids. It will also allow me to use my ipod with my hearing aids. I'm really looking forward to trying this out and I will keep you all posted on how it all works out.

Hello Operator?

I'm having a really hard time with using my work phone with the new hearing aids. The hearing aids have a phone feature programmed into them, which is supposed to help me hear better on the phone. However, unless the phone is held in the perfect location on my ear, the phone setting keeps turning off and on and is causing me to lose some of the conversation. I've had to resort to using the speaker phone, which is a little bit awkward with conversations that don't need to be broadcast into the whole office.

I have a follow up appointment with the audiologist next week and I hope they'll be able to help me with this issue. The only other problem I'm having is that my right ear hearing aid is rubbing awkwardly and making my ear quite sore. This is something the audiologist should be able to fix easily for me this week.

My Arch-Nemesis'

It's been a few days since I've blogged so I have some catching up to do. I continue to be impressed by the new ears. I am definitely hearing a lot better and I am beginning to feel more confident wearing them. They have even defeated one of my worst nemesis' ... wind. With my in the ear hearing aids I was useless on a windy day because the sound of the wind was just so strong. Finally, because the mic is located behind my ear I can finally carry on a conversation with someone outside in a windy day!

My second nemesis is moisture, I cringe every time I see it raining outside. My second challenge is with sports, particularly when I play hockey. My behind the ear hearing aids don't work in my helmet and I'm terrified about sweat damaging them. So, when I play I just put in my old pair that way if something does happen it's not the end of the world. The second rough part about hockey is the shower after. Obviously, I have to take out my hearing aids out when I hit the showers after hockey and if standing in a big communal shower with a bunch of guys isn't slightly awkward already, not being able to hear what they're saying magnifies that. Luckily, most of the guys talk loudly anyways but, when in doubt I can always fall back on the "smile and nod", which could lead to it's own set of problems ...

Cocktail Party Syndrome

Last night was Mike and Kelly's wedding in NOTL. It was a fantastic ceremony and reception and I had a great time. It was also the first test for my new hearing aids in a loud room with a lot of background noise. I normally dread these types of situations and in some cases become a bit reclusive because it's very difficult for me to hear much of anything; all of the sounds blend together for one overwhelming experience. However, last night was much better than it has been in the past. There were a couple folks that I talked to over the course of the night that I struggled to hear more than others; but I assume that's the same with everyone. I have always struggled with women's voices more so then men; it's the higher frequencies that I struggle to hear the most. Overall, I was very happy with how I was hearing things last night and that helped me to have a great time.

It was also great last night to hear the encouraging words from my friends about this blog. I was slightly surprised to hear that so many had read it and how much they liked it. I was thankful that this blog has initiated a dialogue with people and myself to talk about the situation and I find it very therapeutic. It's a bit humorous and frustrating that it took me this long to have the confidence to talk about it openly about my hearing.

I was also reminded about why it's sometimes great to not hear so well. Apparently, Darren was snoring quite loud most of the night, which kept the girls up. Additionally, the Best Western cleaning staff begins to make the rounds at 3 a.m. which woke up everyone except me!

The next big test will be tonight at the Guns N Roses concert ... stay tuned.

Did You Hear That?

I just picked up my new ears from the Audiologist. I got the Epoq XW OBTE-Rite Power and so far so good. I have been mentally preparing myself about going behind ear for the past couple weeks. As much as the size bothers me, they really are a lot better. I'm already hearing things I had never heard before, which is really exciting and annoying all at the same time. I can hear the TV from the kitchen now and I can hear a car door close outside from inside the house. But, I can also hear the sound of my coat rubbing on itself when I move my arms and to my surprise yes, the fish tank really is as loud as my girlfriend says it is ... who knew!

Things also sound different. Sounds aren't just amplified louder they are in moderation, which is what I assume most people would hear like. The true test will come when I'm in a loud room with a lot of people. I have always struggled with this regardless of what model hearing aid I've had. Old models are almost painful in those loud situations because everything is even louder and directional models never seem to know what sound to focus on. This new model already seems more balanced.

On the downside, I'm getting a little feedback but that is probably due to a little wax residue in my ear that will eventually clear out. I've got two weeks to put them through their paces before I go back to the audiologist to get some fine tuning done. I also noticed that "s" and "sh" sounds don't sound quite right depending on the volume so that's another thing that might need to be adjusted soon.

Overall, I'm pleased so far and hopefully will stay this way. I think I'm going to be happy with these.

On a side note, thank you to everyone for reading my blog and leaving comments. It's very encouraging to know that people are looking at this and giving it some thought. I also appreciate the words of support, they mean a lot to me as do the people who give them.

Unfamiliar Territory - Going Behind the Ear

On Thursday I am getting new hearing aids. This is always a tough time for me because for the past few years each new pair is a little bit bigger because they need to be a little bit stronger. Thursday will be no different as I am finally going with a behind the ear hearing aid. I did have the option to go with an in the ear model similar to what I have now, but over the past three years I have had to send them back at least once a year for repair and I have never been happy with the way things sound with my current pair.

So ... behind the ear hearing aid. I don't like the sounds of it. In my mind I picture this huge clunker piece sitting in my ear. In reality, technology has progressed so much it's actually quite small. It's the size of the thing that really gets to me, it's always been so important to me to keep it small so that no one notices and with the new one's I will no longer be able to hide it. I've been able to ease myself this time around by reminding myself it's not about what it looks like, it's about improving my quality of life. However, regardless of how I feel about it now, when they are there in front of me and I put them in for the first time it's going to be hard. It's funny how you can be so vain about something that is going to make life easier for you.

As hard as all of this will be for me over the coming weeks, I will get used to it, I always do. I'll adjust my life to embrace any new restrictions and I hope to open some new doors of possibility because of the quality of the hearing aid. In the grand scheme of things, nobody cares that I have hearing aids accept me, no one is judging me; it's all in my head.

What's the Frequency? - How I Got to Where I Am

Since this is my inaugural blog, let me tell you a bit about myself and my story...

I was diagnosed with a moderate hearing loss in my left ear and a severe hearing loss in my right ear at the age of 18.  Hearing loss is hereditary in my family on my Mother's side and my loss was progressive.  Eventually, it became noticeable to others that I wasn't hearing properly, but to me, I thought everyone heard like me.  As you can imagine, being dealt something like this at the age of 18 was pretty devastating.  I was at a point in my life where what people think of me is of the utmost importance and having one more thing to be self-conscious about was not what I wanted/needed.

To my surprise and relief my friends and others were remarkably understanding and supportive.  To their relief and mine, there was finally an explanation of why I was missing so much conversation.  However, regardless of how supportive they were to my face I was always worried about what they were saying when I wasn't around.  To a certain extent, over 10 years later I've never lost that feeling but it has subsided.

My biggest struggle with my hearing loss has been the emotional and mental stress that I put on myself from not knowing how to handle my new life and limitations.  I felt as though I had to face everything alone and learn how to deal with things on my own without anyone to fall back to for advice.  I partially blame myself for some of this because I was too proud to ask for help; I do wish to some extent that others had reached out to me more, just to let me know they were there if I needed/wanted it.

Today I am a 29 year old hearing impaired man who does not want to let others go through the struggles that I did.  I am still frustrated by the lack of emotional resources available for people who are diagnosed with hearing impairments.  I hope that this blog provides people with some help.  I want them to know that they are not alone and there are people who are going through the same things they are and that there are people out there who can help them.  I wish that there was more that I can do, and perhaps in the future there will be; but this is a start.